Good afternoon, love bugs.. Happy Monday!
This weekend was nothing short of an emotional coaster ride for me.. I played a role in what occurred, I can be honest about that.. but that’s another topic for another day.
Yesterday, I woke up to the sound of my alarm, which is set for 7:00 am every Sunday. I woke up feeling emotionally drained and physically tired, but it was First Sunday so I had to push myself in spite of my exhaustion; Holy Communion is something that I do not like to miss. I got myself together quicker than I had before because I was on a mission; God was speaking to me all night about something that had occurred the day prior; He was not pleased with me. I made it to church 30 mins before service began, so I found a seat and sat there quietly just praying, seeking repentance. Knowing how much I disappointed God made me really sad, as well as the person I disappointed. I can be really honest about that; I should have handled myself better but I let my emotions get the best of me in a split second and reacted. God wants us to do better than allowing our emotions to control us.
I prayed and sought forgiveness, but that was not enough, I had to extend an apology to someone I care deeply for, which was not hard to do, but it was scary not knowing how they would react. In my heart, I know that I do not typically react in ways to ever intentionally hurt others, so it really hurt me to sit and think of the words I chose to defend myself in that moment.
Service was nothing short of amazing, as usual, but something more occurred.. I wept so much during service and I could not shake the feeling of guilt. Although I had repented and extended the apology, I still felt really void inside; my spirit felt really broken. Yesterday really opened my eyes to some things, which I will not share at the moment, until I make peace with this person. I truly know that God doesn’t make any mistakes when He exposes us to people, places, and situations.. Everything happens for a reason!
At this very moment, I am sitting in my thoughts, talking to God and He is telling me to follow His words in James 1:19-20: 19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: 20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
I write this to say: when you sense The Lord speaking into your soul about how unhappy or disappointed He is in you, you’d better do whatever it takes to fix it, and it may take more than just one short prayer to do so. Spiritually speaking, we cannot thrive without God’s approval in the things we do. If we are seeking to make things right within ourselves without first seeking the approval of God, we are doing it in vain.
Speaking from experience, when God is unhappy with me, I cannot focus on anything and my spirit is not at ease. My sole purpose in life is to fulfill the destiny that God has set out for me. I hope that anyone who is seeking God, must first understand that His approval is what makes everything you do worth doing. Seek repentance when you do wrong, not just with God, but with each other. It is important that we treat each other with respect and a Christian care, the way God intends. I hope this helped someone, because it helped me by venting. Thank you for reading, and be blessed. XoXo..